posted 06-05-2005 13:11               

Situation: My husband's 16 year old daughter wants to live with us. She currently lives with her mother and brother (he's 14). We're seeking custody of only the girl, as the boy has never liked me and things are difficult with him. We want custody because SHE wants it. Her reasons (aloud) is that the school is better here (true) and has great courses for the gifted kids (true - she's in the gifted program)

We currently see her every other weekend. Mom lives nearby (different district). Mom has been in and out of out-patient medical care recently and lost her job. She's on disability and FMLA. She is looking for a job. She makes very little money, and lives mostly on child care. Other than that, she's nice enough - loves her kids, decent mother.

We need to know what rights we have (of course we're going to get a lawyer, but I was hoping for some insight here).

Is it going to be her choice? We're in the state of PA , by the way.

Will we have to pay the same amount of child support, or only the support for the son who won't come?

Will it be a huge fight?
THANKS

posted 06-05-2005 13:21               

As far as it getting ugly it very well may. I saw this happen with a friend's teen recently. Her father is easy going and she would have a lot more freedom if she went to her Dad's. There was a court battle and and the judge ordered a home study done. After a couple of court dates and the study she changed her mind anyways and stayed with her Mom.

posted 06-05-2005 13:25               

I think further reasons are probably that she's sick of living with her mother - who doesn't work - and living in a 2 bedroom apartment (she shares it with her mom). But honestly, I think the biggest reason is the great courses at our school.

she gets along with both parents and me. She gets mad like any teenager at both parents and me. I don't think she likes either of us better. Actually, mom is more permissive than dad.

posted 06-05-2005 14:07               

It depends upon the state and the age of the dependent.

Get all of your "ducks" in order, before approaching her Mom. Go to your school district/school, and have classes and schedules printed out, and acceptance into the specific classes for the daughter.

Have a "parents" and "teenager" "bill of rights" and a "contract" written, so everybody knows where they stand, and what is expected of each other. (No surprises !!!)

Make sure everybody is aggreeable and understands "what is expected".

Approach the Mom with the attitude that "this would be in the best interests of the daughter". Make sure that your attitude is NOT one of "putting-down" the Mom.

Have a "well thought-out" plan WHY it is not possible to take the son, right now. (He might get the feeling that HE is being abandoned.) Make sure that he KNOWS that the father DOES love him.

Hopefully this will work out, by both parents sitting down and having a quiet, reasonable discussion, and doing what is "best" for the child/children.

posted 06-06-2005 01:20               

However, can give you my past esperience.

When my daughter was 12 she expressed the same desire and with similar circumstances (she has two younger borthers).

We went through the courts (who did listen at a much younger age) and after a long battle won custody.

She is now 26 and just bought her first house and will be getting married soon.

The ex hasn't spoken to me since we "stole her daughter" but if you do it right everything can work out.

My current wife is a wonderful person who was instramental in convincing the court appointed "officla guradoian" that it was the right move.

You sound like a good wife which should help.

Good luck and keep the daughters hopes up.