posted 11-14-2001 14:13            

quote:

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Originally posted by 3kids4me:
Pop quiz...do you know who said that?

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G B Shaw, methinks.

posted 11-14-2001 14:39            

I just could not resist passing this on.

Subject: What religion is your bra?

A man walked into the ladies department of Macy's and shyly said to the woman at the counter, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."

"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There is more than one type?"

"Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. "Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from."

Relieved, the man asked about the types.

The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?"

Now befuddled again, the man asked about the differences between them.

The saleslady responded, "It is really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen, the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch & upright, and the Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills."

As far as the Superbowl goes, it Raiders vs. Rams. Raiders win by 3 points. The "LA" Superbowl without "LA".

------------------
John

posted 11-14-2001 15:55            

We had a 6 am puddle-jumper from Phila. to NY to catch a 9:30 flight to Barbados. We got a call at 12:30 am, a mere 5.5 hours before we leave, our flight to New York is cancelled. We can reschedule you, but you won't arrive in Barbados until 10 pm. We called back and begged for another flight to NY to make our early connection. Ok, found one, 6:20 on another airline.
It's 2 am, not gonna get much more sleep after that.

Show up at the airport at 5:30, the 2nd airline's plane has engine trouble, flight cancelled. Now what?????

Back to the first airline counter. We happen to get in line right behind the only couple who was not reachable at midnight to be told that their flight was cancelled. They stayed at an airport hotel and found out at 5:45 with their luggage in their hands.

The airline sticks us off in a corner while they try to decide what they're gonna do with 4 steamy people. Supervisor to the rescue, we'll put you in a cab and drive you to NY.

It's getting late, but we might make it. The cab driver did not speak English, but he spoke speed, I don't know how fast we were going....and I don't want to know.

Get to the airport, lug our bags a million miles to the overseas check-in, stand in a looooong line, just about to walk away from the counter and the guy says oops. Whaddya mean oops???

Sorry, you've been chosen randomly to have your bags searched. You'll have to carry them another 500 yards back where you came from and stand in that line until they go through your stuff.

That actually didn't take long but my arm was pulling out of my shoulder at this point. Once the bags were inspected, they were placed on a baggage conveyor belt that was not moving. We were told not to worry, they would make it to our flight. I was worried.

Flight leaevs on time, lands on time, wow, our luggage actually did make it, things are starting to get back to normal, right?

Wrong. Take a cab to Divi Southwinds and when we get to the counter to check in we are informed that they have overbooked!!!!! We will be taken to their sister resort for the night....on the other side of the island. Don't worry, it's just as nice and has everything that this resort has and you may want to stay there all week. NOT! No air conditioner in the room, no pool, no restaurant, the trash dumpster from the resort next door sends a wonderful aroma into our room when the wind blows right. The furniture looks like it is out of a Bogart movie. The beach is small and rocky (or is that coral) Get me outta here!!!!

We are at the desk at 9 am the next morning to go back to Divi Southwinds. Didn't get there until 2. Carrying these bags is really getting to be a drag. Luckily they have an elevator...no that one is out of order, I'll just use the other one, oops, that one's broke too. Up the steps to the 5th floor. Finally, open the door to our little piece of Paradise....oops. Housekeeping never cleaned the room. There is half-eaten food on the stove. The place is a mess.

I'm so hot and tired and miserable, I don't even care anymore. Call the desk, drop the bags, grab the wife, off to the beachfront bar, I need a drink, or two, or....

The rest of the week was great, but those first 48 hours will be flushed from my memory as soon as I finish typing this.

Hope this story makes you feel so sorry for me that you put my name in twice!

posted 11-14-2001 20:24            

quote:

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Originally posted by marion10:
...I'm going to go for the sympathy vote. I should get the points week because it's tragic ... I don't have any weeks to use!

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That is pathetic. Where are you wanting to go now?

posted 11-14-2001 20:51            

quote:

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Originally posted by philsfan:
I'll enter with a story about our trip to Barbados:
. . .
Hope this story makes you feel so sorry for me that you put my name in twice!

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DELETED 250,000 words and REMOVED you from this tread...

I didn't really, but you should be ashamed of yourself for makin up such stuff. . . Or proud!!!

These were to be 100 words or less but we'd a missed you gettin off the ground. Thanks, that was well done.

posted 11-14-2001 21:31            

quote:

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Originally posted by Germy:
What's a Pointsweek?
Is it something to do with SuperBowl?

Is this funny?
Sorry chaps, English, don't understand your banter.

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Germy, thanks for asking.
I’ve wondered how many skim over this thread because of lack of interest in points.
Instead of letting them expire each year, I’ve asked Fairfield to take my excess points and make deposits into the RCI space bank. I’ve coined these deposits as Pointsweeks to indicate the source. I’ve decided to give a Pointsweek away this year, as I can’t use them all.

SuperBowl, what is that? That is a funny and not so easily explained. I don’t see anyone trying either.

I hope everyone is enjoying. Where are the non-members?

posted 11-14-2001 21:56            

quote:

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Originally posted by krisj:
I know I can't enter twice, but ...
"OK, they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own airfares."

not-written-by... Kris

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posted 11-15-2001 02:41            

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Mae' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Mae' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
He asks, "What was that for?"
She answers, "Your horse called".

Hey, at least I'm officially entered.

posted 11-15-2001 05:34            

I did exactly the same thing!!!! LOL How embarrasing....I think more for her than for me! I hate it when that happens!! sigh

------------------
Esther
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Marriott's Beach Place Towers 2 bdrm,wk 52 Platinum; Protea Kruger Gate Karos Lodge-SA,2.5 bdrm wk 10;Sunburst Condominium, 3 bdrm,wk 48

posted 11-15-2001 10:07         

My father-in-law has worked around heavy machinery all his life and his hearing is not what it should be. He insists there is nothing wrong with his hearing. He and my mother-in-law were walking thru a mall one day when she spotted a sign and said to him "Look honey, free hearing tests." He walked a few more steps, stopped and turned to her with a puzzled look and said "Why in the world would I want a free URINE test?"

He took the test.

posted 11-15-2001 11:45            

The mice and two cats died on the same day. When the kitties arrived in heaven, God met them at the gate.

"What may I do to make your eternity in Heaven more comfortable?"

The kitties replied that back on earth they had had to sleep on hard wood floors, or in the alleys, or on smelly old carpets. What they would like the most in heaven was to be able to sleep on a nice feather bed.

God granted them their wish and sent them on their way. Just then, the mice arrived in heaven, and God asked what he could do to make THEIR stay more comfortable.

"Well, God, on earth we were always running away from our enemies. Our little legs are really really tired. So what we would make us the happiest are little mice-sized roller skates."

God smiled at their request and granted it.

Weeks passed, and one day God was walking through Heaven's garden when he met up with the two purring cats.

"How do you like Heaven so far?" he asked them.

posted 11-15-2001 17:04         

I think I should win the week, because I am your neighbor (sort of). Neighbors should band together during these troubled times.

Best timeshare memory happened last year. All four of my kids were able to join my hubby and me for our annual trek to SXM, for our 40th wedding anniversary.

btw., The fact that we stayed married so long is another great reason for you to congratulate/honor us with that "free" vacation.

posted 11-15-2001 19:59            

quote:

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Originally posted by dolores:
Beebe,

I think I should win the week, because ... Neighbors should band together during these troubled times.

Best timeshare memory happened last year. All four of my kids were able to join my hubby and me for our annual trek to SXM, for our 40th wedding anniversary.

btw., The fact that we stayed married so long is another great reason for you to congratulate/honor us with that "free" vacation.

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posted 11-15-2001 23:45         

Those of you who have travelled with children will sympathize with this.

I decided to take my 2 sons (3&4 at the time) to visit my grandparents in Chicago. Its a 3.5 hour drive from Spfld, Mo to St. Louis and we run into a traffic jam. We miss our plane and have to wait for the next one to leave. We finally get to Ohare, get our luggage the carseats, the stroller, etc. and walk over to the car rental counter. Only to be told my credit card is denied. The credit card company says everything is okay on their end, they don’t see the charge even being requested. I didn’t have another credit card on me and they won’t take a Visa check card. So here I am stranded in an airport with 2 children. We end up having to pay for a limo to take us to the suburbs. We are half way there and the oil light comes on in the car. We have to stop and have the car looked over. As this was the last available one with this company for the day there isn't anyone who can come get us. So finally after what should have been a short 7 hour day has turned into a 12 hour day. On this same trip my 3 year old decides he is going to take my grandmother's hormone pills and go swimming in my aunts pool (in 50 degree weather). I was ever so grateful to get home. Except when we got back to St. Louis my brake line on my car had broken. Drove home anyways. Figured you don't need the brakes much on the highway.

posted 11-16-2001 01:16            

We went to Westgate Vacation Villas a few years ago with my sister and her children. My small niece was having her teeth straightened but was in the habit of taking the 'appliance' out when she ate (quite disgusting!). Because I complained she hid it in an empty ice cream wrapper. You guessed it, I threw it out when I cleared the table. We left for the theme parks. On the way my sister's car screamed to a halt in front of me and she asked what had happened to the 'appliance', I replied that I'd put the bag outside for collection, so we raced back to Westgate. This is where the fun started!

The bag had been collected so I went inside to ring maintenance, the conversation went something like this...

Me: I hope you can help me. My niece's brace has been thrown out with the rubbish, can you tell me where the rubbish has been taken to?

Maintenance: Pardon ma'am?

Me: repeat as above

Maintenance: Rubbish ma'am?

Me: Sorry, garbage. My niece's brace has been thrown in the garbage and it's been taken away, can you tell me where?

Maintenance: What sort of brace? Arm brace? Leg brace?

Me: No, for her teeth

Maintenance: Oh, you mean BRACES

Me: Yes, that's right, her braces have been thrown away with the garbage (I'm really feeling American now)

Maintenance: Sorry, that's all been crushed, too late.

Me: Never mind, thanks for your help.

Maintenance: No problem ma'am, I just love your accent, I could talk to you all day.

posted 11-16-2001 02:48         

Well I nearly fell off the chairlift laughing.

posted 11-16-2001 05:03            

When I was living in England (while in college) I met a guy who invited me out for coffee. When he said "I'll knock you up at eight," I did a doubletake!! You do know what that means here, right??

posted 11-16-2001 06:23         

3 guys on an Island. An Irishman, an Italian and a Polishmen. They find a bottle and open it. A Genie pops out and grants each one a wish. The Irish guy says " I want to be home in my favorite pub drinking a pint of my favorite lager and have all my favorite irish songs playing. WHAM, he is there !!! The Italian guy says " I want to be at my favorite Italian resturant eating homemade pasta and sipping my favoirte wine. WHAM, he is there. The Polish guy says" I am lonely, I miss my friends "

posted 11-16-2001 07:44            

quote:

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Originally posted by turkco:For our next timeshare trip (to the Cliff Club in Utah), where we will see our daughters and granddaughters, we've been putting together a "woman power" CD. More suggestions?

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You didn't say how old your granddaughters were, so if they are young, I recommend "The Boy-Girl Song" on "Early Ears 6". In fact, for those of you with young children, I highly recommend the entire "Early Ears" CD's. They are compilations of original music that you can listen to over and over again without going insane.

Here's the list of songs on Early Ears 6.

Boy-Girl Song
Rules
Monkey Man
Sock Monster
Eating Is Fun, Eating Is Serious
Collection of Beasts
Fish Is Deelish
One Hand, One Heart
Dreams
One World
Brussels Sprouts
Color Song
Part of the Family

I'm also a big fan of Patricia Shih (who wrote "Eating is Fun" and "The Color Song")

Oh, and to count as an entry, I think the 10,000th member will be on 2/2/02